My heart is broke wide open--a work in progress

Okra

she's gone, and i need this.

okra peasley birdy gray
falcon freedom fighter
janjatweet militia
okara-chan
we are we are, an okranation
squeakarella
fearless flying falcon
little chirper
demon bird
little wing
squeaker
seed-eater
okra train! choo choo! (when pushing her cage room to room)
seed the falcon

it's only been a week, but a long tired week, and as these names start to leave my memory i feel lost, like i'm letting her down again, i need to keep the pain sharp to prove my love.

i miss the way she smelled like dried mushrooms when she bathed; the way she wanted to do whatever you were doing, even though I never let her have my gin & tonics; her little dances on the laptop keyboard, and her fight to death with my mouse; how she fluffed up and bathed in the puddles in our yard, and the kitchen sink while i was washing dishes; how she burrowed through a bunch of dill, and joh's hair; how she'd sit calmly on my back for hours while i read in my father's front yard; how she sang along to the blues, season three of Babylon5, and Garrison Keillor (much to our dismay, though we'd leave it on for her anyways;) i miss most how when we made noise in the middle of the night she'd let out a little chirp, just to ask "are you okay?" and when i'd chirp back she'd make her happy little noise; i miss her free-jazz happy-singing, curled up in her hut, her little red head peeking out; i miss the way she'd make us happy, the complete unconditional love between the three of us; i miss how much she needed us;
i regret all the pictures and videos i never took; the way she'd attack bells; sitting on the edge of my bowl tearing up popcorn;