My heart is broke wide open--a work in progress

Okra

she's gone, and i need this.

okra peasley birdy gray
falcon freedom fighter
janjatweet militia
okara-chan
we are we are, an okranation
squeakarella
fearless flying falcon
little chirper
demon bird
little wing
squeaker
seed-eater
okra train! choo choo! (when pushing her cage room to room)
seed the falcon

it's only been a week, but a long tired week, and as these names start to leave my memory i feel lost, like i'm letting her down again, i need to keep the pain sharp to prove my love.

i miss the way she smelled like dried mushrooms when she bathed; the way she wanted to do whatever you were doing, even though I never let her have my gin & tonics; her little dances on the laptop keyboard, and her fight to death with my mouse; how she fluffed up and bathed in the puddles in our yard, and the kitchen sink while i was washing dishes; how she burrowed through a bunch of dill, and joh's hair; how she'd sit calmly on my back for hours while i read in my father's front yard; how she sang along to the blues, season three of Babylon5, and Garrison Keillor (much to our dismay, though we'd leave it on for her anyways;) i miss most how when we made noise in the middle of the night she'd let out a little chirp, just to ask "are you okay?" and when i'd chirp back she'd make her happy little noise; i miss her free-jazz happy-singing, curled up in her hut, her little red head peeking out; i miss the way she'd make us happy, the complete unconditional love between the three of us; i miss how much she needed us;
i regret all the pictures and videos i never took; the way she'd attack bells; sitting on the edge of my bowl tearing up popcorn;

reading

dooce, like everyone else, but....

"Sometimes parenthood is like being 13 all over again, when you're really into setting things on fire or wanting to find out how big of a mess a watermelon would make if you dropped it off the roof."

These were the exact things I spent hours/days/months doing when I was 13.

and 15.

Only we advanced to throwing flaming pumpkins off the top of a four-story parking garage.

just a little late for the bandwagon

Things I learned living w/an 18yr old male, and losing any remaining indie cred I ever had.
because really, this video is pretty fucking awesome.










Yes, I did just say something involving Britney Spears was awesome. Yes, someone please shoot me.